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Monthly Archives: April 2011

CRAZY LIKE A FOX: A simple method for arguing with the insane—–The Birth certificate Method.

There is something sinister and depressing about this entire nonsense regarding our president’s birth certificate. It’s not just that members of both parties have dismissed the ghastly rumors of our presidents secret, Kenyan birth. But that so many people, regardless of simple logic, cannot be persuaded.

Donald Trump, a man I’ve expressed my opinion about before, came on the Anderson Cooper show. Trump has been mostly mocked by anyone leaning left and even most in the middle as a self-serving egomaniac. Cooper, on the other hand, is a newsmen that even the most backwards Confederate sympathizer has to grudgingly respect. He has an aggressive, unforgiving seriousness about him. He simply wears the suit of confident anchor like he was born wearing it, brilliant gray locks and all.

Back to the point. Trump took a deep breath and doubled in size like a hot air balloon before spewing about ninety seconds of constant, ugly gibberish. He went on about Obama’s birth documentation, and his hazy background. Cooper did his best, and handily displayed Trump the back of his pimp hand. After quoting Hawaii officials about the legitimacy of Obama’s citizenship, and running circles around the harmless, slack-jawed Trump, he rightfully cut to commercial, leaving a man reeling.

And yet, today, Obama addressed the issue head-on in public. You see, his circle of handlers, speech writers, advisers, number crunchers and assistants had long decided to ignore what they saw as the paranoid ramblings of racist knuckle-draggers. “Take the high road,” was the obvious tone. But today, after showing the world his “long form birth certificate,” he might be a little more low-ground than he let on.

Anybody with half a brain didn’t need to see this piece of paper. For too many reasons to state here, the entire conspiracy is almost as absurd as the people propagating it. Why would anyone choose to have their child, intended to be born and raised in the US by that time, born in an AFRICAN hospital rather than a safer, higher quality facility in the United States? Why would every individual asked to verify it lie rather than expose the crime of the century?

Thankfully, the President isn’t trying to win the argument. His plan seems relatively simple — shrewdly expose the sheer magnitude of the misunderstanding and outright lies of the birthers and frame it as a humble defense mechanism by an exhausted president. Now, the horrible reality of the birthers is slowly being exposed and on cable news, no less.

The entire flare up is probably an unconscious allergy that many people far below the Mason-Dixon line have with the notion of a non-white president.

The official stance of reasonable, well informed people everywhere.

He simply CAN’T be American, they deduce. He looks different, and his pappy was a Kenyan.What an ugly gut reaction. As if America needed more of our true colors to be displayed to the world, now we are showing just how welcoming we are toward anyone with the barest hint of “foreign” or “alien” nature.

Don’t come around here looking different, talking funny, or smarting off to us, alright? We don’t take kindly to YOUR kind around here.

Of course, the insanity gets deeper. Think about it: True blue believers of any conspiracy aren’t deterred by new evidence. It’s just another part of the cover-up, man. You think anyone not born in this country that became president would get this far without forging his birth certificate? He probably doctored his photos, forged transcripts and lied about Harvard as well. I’ve always contended that the president was an experimental Al-Qaedan robot assassin. Think terminator, but with extremely violent Muslims pulling the strings.

You can’t argue with crazy. And Obama isn’t trying. He’s trying to marginalize and vilify them as a whacked-out faction of stubborn old-money southerners and opiate hooked conspiracy junkies with insomnia.

Yikes. Not good. Not good. Must try to keep the metaphors relatable, as the editors say. Don’t lose your readers with that insane gibberish.

My point is that normally, I would have scolded the president for trying to argue with crazy. But today, I feel like a wink and a nudge is in order. I get it, Mr. President. Make the bastards sink or swim under bright lights and prodding, angry newsmen like Cooper. Make them fight like a man, out in the air and light of day. Go get ’em, Bub.


Written under the influence,

A brief examination of the New American: What George Bush and the Neo-Cons Bred in the Ego of our elecotrate

–Another snappy sub-title

–One More? Nah. Too much.

George Bush doomed us all. But no, we can’t start with that. Can’t open with the conclusion, let’s back up.

You see, George Bush was no great villain. He was and shall remain a testament to just how very rigged the game of America is. He made his success out of a last name he was born with and oil money he practically bathed in.

But he was not a monster. While many a parallel has been drawn between Vietnam and Iraq, the lingering question remains: why didn’t the public rise up this time, like they did against LBJ and Nixon?

Well they weren’t up for it, for one. But it wasn’t just that. Bush, in all his mighty shining glory, engendered the notion in the average man that self-assured, gut-instinct decision making was an admirable way to govern.

Many societies openly reject any head of state that proclaims to make his major, big-time, all-or-nothing decisions on principle or instinct in place of reasoned research.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. In the early part of the 21st century when Bush’s main policy puppet masters were resurrecting the neo-con, imperialist politics of old days, America explored a self-indulgent philosophy (perpetuated by the swaggering, frat-boy president) that good, moralist, Christians were bound to take the country over and run every policy decision through the mechanism of decisive, spur-of-the-moment judgments.

And so, more and more of the electorate became convinced that issues of all kinds, stretching from gay marriage to foreign policy, could be easily decided with a quick skim through the bible and a brief family discussion at the dinner table. Nothing more need be done, because Americans KNOW better, Bubba. We are a good, happy, remarkable people without flaw or err, and our understanding of down-home, backwoods patriotic values trumps your elitist European mumbo-jumbo any day.

This is a disturbingly easy mindset to maintain if all the big, scary weapons belong to you and your nation is enormous in size and totally impossible to invade or occupy in any military sense.

Our populace is well armed, drinking heavily, attending church and becoming more and more sure of its own messianic delusions.

I wouldn’t fuck with America on a Saturday night in any bar, unless you wanted a disturbed, overblown simpleton pounding your face into the dirt for ten years while he declares your suffering a matter of collateral damage and absolute necessity.